I don’t remember how to be Gwen

Today I dropped Pearl and Miles off for their first day of summer camp.  And by day I mean half day.  And by half day I mean 2.5 hours.  2.5 hours is half a day according to the city of Toronto…interesting.

The kids have never been to summer camp before.  I have always entertained them in the summer but this year I thought we could all benefit from some outside help.  So this afternoon I delivered them to the appropriate room in the chosen city community centre at the specified time.

They were so excited to be going to camp.  Pearl misses school and this was a bit like going to school so she was excited.  Miles has never done anything without me except stay at the gym daycare and so he was a little nervous but excited to go and relieved that Pearl would be with him.  I filled in the appropriate forms, kissed them goodbye and left them laughing and playing.

I was about a half block away when I realized I was nervous.  Not for the kids but for myself.  What would I do?  Where would I go?  How was I going to fill 2.5 hours for 5 days?

After taking a stroll I found myself at a toy store picking up stuff for our cottage vacation.  While shopping I kept feeling like something was off.  Where were the questions?  Where were the little hands that try to touch everything?  Where was the whining about it taking too long?  And as annoying as those things usually are to me, I missed them.  I am so used to having a child by my side that I have forgotten what it is like to navigate the world without them.  I have been so busy being Momma that I have forgotten how to just be Gwen.  I actually felt uncomfortable today just wandering around by myself.  It was such an odd feeling.  Most days I am desperate for a little quiet time but today the quiet seemed deafening.  The kids were kind enough to make sure there was no more quiet for the rest of the afternoon.  🙂

 

Miles is changing his number

Happy 4th Birthday Miles.  Today you change your number.  It has been a sad week for you as you have struggled to let go of being 3.  You have come to me in tears a number of times this past week because you were going to miss being 3 and that you wouldn’t remember being 3.  I promised you that I will remember and I will.

You are a special boy who can make us laugh or make us crazy.  You are a ball of energy with no off switch.  You love anything with an engine, you make constant sound effects, and you are incredibly funny, loving and sweet.  You have an amazing imagination and put it to good use every day.  You have had an imaginary friend named Poe for about a year now.  Before going to bed tonight you started crying because Poe was going to play with your toys.  When I told you to tell him not to you, you responded that Poe never listens to you.  In support of your sister getting glasses this year you have also been wearing imaginary yellow glasses for months now.  These are just a few examples of your imagination at work.  You can find fun in just about any situation.  This is a skill that I hope you hold on to.

I would be lying if I said 3 was all sunny moments.  It wasn’t,  (terrible twos have nothing on the terrifying threes) but it was a year filled with discovery and love and laughs and memories.  This year you will start school and a whole new world will open up for you.  (I can’t talk about that just yet though cause I will miss you a lot.) It is amazing to watch you changing and learning new things.

Happy Birthday Buddy.  Welcome to your new number.

 

Pearl is 5. How did that happen?

As I sit and watch my kids sleep I am in disbelief that Pearl turns 5 tomorrow.  While some days feel about a year long, I find it shocking that she is 5 already.

Pearl, you and I are a lot alike which leads to some special bonding but also a lot of head butting.  You challenge me constantly and although I try to rise to the occasion there are many times that I fail and instead of nurturing your strong will I am overcome by frustration.   I am sorry for all the times I have yelled when I should have hugged, for all the times I chose chores over quality time with you and for all the times I walked away when you just wanted to be close to me.

I love you so much and I am proud of the person you are and will be.  You make me smile and you make me cry and I wouldn’t change you if I could.  You are a special little girl that makes the world a brighter place.

Happy Birthday Kiddo.  I know you are so happy to be turning 5 and I hope it is all that you hope it will be.

Happy 3rd Birthday Miles

As Miles would say, he has a new number today.  He is free.  Today we celebrated Miles’s 3rd birthday.  He not only got the SpongeBob party he asked for but he also got his first new belt in karate.  I am very proud of both my kids for getting new belts today.

Miles has changed a lot in the last year.  With Pearl starting school he has had more one on one time with me and he has had to navigate his own way through the days without having Pearl dictate what happens.  It has been interesting to watch him change.

Miles, you have become a chatterbox.  You talk almost as much as Pearl does.  And that is saying something!  You are cuddly and affectionate and laid back and very funny.  You ask a lot of questions and love being my sidekick.  And I love our alone time together.

Happy Birthday Buddy.

Happy Birthday Buddy!

Dear Miles

Today you turn 1. It has been a rewarding but difficult year for all of us and I can’t really believe you are 1 already. You are almost walking and although you are not talking yet (except to say banana) you are certainly very capable of communicating your point. Especially if there is something you want to eat. 🙂

While I have struggled to adjust to having two kids you have done your best to make it easy for me. At least during the day. You have never slept in your crib and still sleep on me most nights which certainly doesn’t leave me feeling very restful. Please start sleeping in your own bed – things would be easier with more sleep.

You have a laid back personality and when you smile your entire face lights up and lights up the face of everyone around you. You adore your big sister and it warms my heart to watch you two laugh and play together.

I know you have had to cope with more of Momma’s frustration than you should but I promise I will try to do better – if you promise to start letting me sleep.

It has been a special year and I look forward to the next one when you start talking and walking. Things are gonna be crazy! 🙂

Happy Birthday Buddy! Who loves Miles? Momma does!